Nights Like These
by iheartSVUbabe
Summary: For Alex, a storm brings back memories of life while in WPP. A one shot written from Alex's POV. Please read and review..


Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...

A/N1: It's storming its ass off outside my window right now, and for some reason, the weather has always effected my mood. This is a one shot, Alex's POV- assume that before she was whisked away by the Feds, her and Olivia were together. This is Alex thinking back to before she went into witness protection… She's back in New York now, staring out her window… thinking about Olivia… It's just a short little something my muse and I decided to write… then share…

A/N2:There are many sides to an author… allow me to introduce you all to my serious, emotional side… it doesn't come out often, but when it does… something like this is what you'll get… I wasn't sure whether or not I should even post this… it's so different from my other fics… but, hey, I can take a chance every once in a while… Please let me know what you think of it, okay? Thanks…

Nights Like This  
-iheartSVUbabe

It's nights like these when I had trouble sleeping…

It's nights like these when I missed you the most…

I stare out into the night, watching as a cold, hard rain pours down from a dark, heavy sky. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to get warm, my breath hot on the cool window pane, fog forming instantly.

I close my eyes and I can feel the faintest of smiles form on my lips.

You used to wrap your arms around me, knowing that I have never really liked storms. They make me nervous, restless… You would pull me close to you, whispering words of comfort, so soft, so sweet, and I would bury myself into you to escape from the world. You were my comfort, my protection… shelter when I needed to be sheltered, a source of strength when I needed to feel strong…

I would curl myself into a ball, and you would wrap your body around me, protecting me, shielding me from so much more than just the storm that was raging outside.

You protected me from myself.

Maybe that's what it was about storms that got to me the most… they brought to the forefront everything that I could not face alone. And so, wrapping yourself around me, you guided me through all my inner storms, my hidden tempests… when I was weak, you were strong… and not once did you ever bask in my vulnerability or mention all the scars and flaws you saw in me… You loved me in the midst of all my chaos, you loved me in spite of all my imperfections… You kissed away tears and loved away wounds, and no matter how long or how hard the storm raged on out of control… I had you to cling to…

Hot tears stream down my face but I don't bother to wipe them away. Sometimes, I have to cry it out, have to grieve for what I have lost, for what I could and should have had…

I had you to cling to… until I didn't… and then my world fell apart.

I did what I had to in order to survive, but I never picked up the pieces that fell to the ground when I lost you. What's the point in trying to put a life back together when the one thing that matters most is no longer a part of the puzzle?

Town to town, story to story, person to person… I changed so much. I shut the world out, and the only thing I clung to, the one thing I buried so deep down in my heart that nothing and no one could take it away from me… was you…

In my coffee, I always saw your eyes… in the wind, I felt your touch… A stranger on the street would pass me by, wearing a leather jacket, and the smell and feel of you would assault my senses… almost stop my heart… and tears would spring to my eyes…

Certain shades of red always reminded me of you, and everywhere I looked, it seemed as if fate and its paintbrush were being cruel, surrounding me with your favorite color… The sound of snow crunching beneath my boots brought back visions of you in Central Park, your breath puffing out in little white bursts, your face red from the cold, your laughter so warm that it chased away the chill in the air… Certain songs and certain smells brought you back to me, but never for long, never for keeps…

Two years without you has done things to me, things that I am not sure I will ever fully understand or get over. Perhaps with your help, I will overcome the odds stacked against me... Countless nights spent crying myself to sleep… days that turned into months of not hearing your voice, or feeling your touch… Nothing eased the pain of having to let you go. Nothing dulled the ache in my chest caused by not knowing whether I would ever see you again… if I would ever kiss your lips, feel your body arch into mine… hear you call out my name…

"Alex?"

The sound of your voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I open my eyes and turn around to find that you are reaching out to me… just like you always have… and always will…

"I was just thinking… about how much I missed you while I was gone."

I can admit to you that I am still weak. I have always been able to trust you with my heart…

"Well, you don't have to miss me anymore… I'm right here… Come let me hold you, ok?"

Your whispered words wash over me, and a deep warmth radiates off of you and into me, warming me to my very soul.

I slip my hand into yours and allow you to lead me into our bedroom. Crawling into bed with you, I am in your arms as soon as you open them to me. You cradle me in your arms, running your fingers through my hair, and you kiss my forehead as I close my eyes.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot."

Again, your whisper fills me… this time, with a deep love and a blessed assurance that I have always only found in you.

"I love you too."

I whisper into the dark, knowing that the simple yet profound truth I have just uttered will find its way into your heart.

I never told you. I didn't have to tell you…

You just knew… somehow, you just knew that I needed reassuring, that I needed to know that I was back, that I was _me_… that I was home… and so, our nightly ritual was born.

It never fails…

Every night, when we are tucked into bed, snuggled up into one another… the last thing I hear… the last thing that tumbles from your lips… is my name.

Not Emily, not Kelly, not Jessica, not Leigh… none of the names I once knew…

You love me for who I am, not who I was forced to be.

You whisper my name… _my_ name…

_Alexandra Cabot_…

It's nights like these, when you hold me… I know that, even though the storms of my life are far from over, I am in no danger, and I need not be full of fear…

It's nights like these…


End file.
